Wingflash Designs' 2012 Holiday Gift Guide
-or-
Exactly What Not To Give the People You Love this Christmas
Believe it or not, I found everything in this list in the Etsy holiday section.
Item #1:
Merino Wool Classic Cut Undies - $48
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A diaper woven from shredded $5 bills might be more comfortable.
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...Did someone say stocking stuffer? Let's not delve too deeply here.
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Item #3:
Wooden and Crochet Beads - $15
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This item's creators claim these beads are for teething infants. I did realize how far crafty kinksters had taken things. Stay on the lookout for large, crocheted, "pacifier/mouth plugs."
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Item #4:
Modernist Menorah - $169
Holiday Vinyl Wall Decal - $13.50
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A misguided attempt at suspense?
Subtle hint at fraternity Christmas party?
Intro to holiday-themed gay porn novel?
My inner 8-year-old surfacing?
You decide.
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Item #6:
German Glass Glitter Garland - $35
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Shabby Chic: an excuse to make something really, really half-assed and take its picture in front of a weathered white door.
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Item #7:
Shotgun Shell Lighted Wreath - $30
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Get in the holiday spirit! Let's fire off 50 rounds IN ORDER TO MAKE A WREATH.
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Item #8:
Item #9:
Christmas Grinch Sign - $40
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You can purchase this little nugget of irony here!
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Item #10:
One Direction Nail Decals - $6
One Direction Nail Decals - $6
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Your niece is already embarrassing to be around as it is; let's not make things worse.
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Item #11:
Goat Milk Sandwich Cookie Soap - $8.90
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Are you that guy who gives out toothbrushes and fruit at Halloween? Now there's a way to disappoint during the holidays, too!
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Item #12:
Giant Paperclip Bookmarks - $8.35
Thanks for reading, if you're still reading, and remember: there are plenty of great gift ideas for the ladies on your list in the Wingflash shop! Happy holidays, everybody.